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If it is the latter, might I suggest sacrificing an otherwise well-written sentence in favour of writing more speedily.It is important to be concise of course, and a good writing style like yours immediately communicates to the examiner that you are an intelligent person, but they value content more than writing in a mature, pleasing manner.Steinbeck often says in Section Four, "the halter chains rattled." The "chains" could be a metaphor for locking up Crooks in his loneliness, and the fact that they rattle show the reader that Crooks is desperately trying, but failing, to escape his loneliness. In Of Mice and Men, Steinbeck presents loneliness as a key theme which many of the characters cannot escape from.
Firstly let me say this is a generally good piece of work so well done but I think you have missed out some really important points.
I understand you were working under timed conditions but the relationship between George and Lenny basically epitomises the theme of lonliness in the book as their friendship ends in tragedy, suggesting that ranch works are 'the loneliest guys in the world' however both of them fear lonliness.
For example, in Section Three, George says that his friend Andy Cushman is in "San Quentin," a prison, "on account of a tart." It is clear to the reader that Andy was looking for companionship.
However, Steinbeck is showing the reader that looking for companionship was dangerous for Andy-it just led him into prison.
Although the characters try to find companionship, Steinbeck makes it clear to the reader that looking for companionship can be a dangerous thing to do.
The loneliness that the characters experience is typical of the loneliness of many ranch workers in 1930s America.The fact that solitaire is a one player game shows the reader that the people on the ranch are all on their own and have no companions, showing the reader that they are lonely.In addition to this, Steinbeck calls the nearby town "Soledad." Soledad is a real town in America, but it means "loneliness" or "solitude" in Spanish.However, Steinbeck is describing Crooks's feelings here to make it clear to the reader that prejudice and loneliness have made Crooks bitter.Although Crooks wants to escape from his loneliness, Steinbeck makes it clear to the reader that he can't.You write really well for GCSE standard, however you also mentioned that you pause a bit while writing.Is this because you don't know WHAT to write, and are running out of ideas, or is it you are struggling to think of HOW to write, as in how to express your ideas?Steinbeck names the town "Soledad" to emphasise the point that the characters are lonely.Steinbeck also shows the reader that the characters are desperate to find a way out of their loneliness.This also shows the reader that the characters on the ranch have no way out of their loneliness-any attempt will just lead them into danger.Steinbeck shows the reader that Crooks is lonely on the ranch because of the prejudice he receives for being black, something which was not uncommon in 1930s America.